I like these two video very much. The first is a speach of a Tibetan nunn, Tenzin Palmo Jetsunma. She explains the difference between love and attachment. Read the transcript below the video in your language.
The second video is about happiness and the pillars for meaning of life. Emily Esfahani Smith has made an ambitious psychology research and she tells about her conclusions.
” I love you therefore I want you to make me happy”.
attachment is like holding very tight.
genuine love says:
“I love you, therefore I want you to be happy.
Genuine love is holding very gently, nurturing, but allowing things to flow,
“The problem is always that we mistake the idea of love for attachment.
We imagine that the grasping and clinging that we have in our relationsships, shows that we love whereas actuallyit is just attachment which causes pain.
Because, you know the more we grasp the more we are afraid to loose, then if we do loose, we are going to suffer.
I mean, genuine love is… well attachment says ” I love you therefore I want you to make me happy”. And genuine love says “I love you, therefore I want you to be happy. If that includes me, great. if it doesn’t include me, I just want your happiness. And so, its a very different feeling.
You know, attachment is like holding very tight. Genuine love is holding very gently, nurturing, but allowing things to flow, not to be held tightly. The more tight we hold on to others, the more we will suffer. But its very hard for people to understand that, because they think that the more they hold on to someone, the more it shows they care about them but it’s not, it’s really just that they are trying to grasp at something because they are afraid that otherwise they themselves will be hurt.
Any kind of relationship which imagines that we can fulfill ourselves trhough another is bound to be very tricky. I mean, ideally, people should come together already feeling fulfilled within teemselves and just therefore appreciating that in the other rather than expecting the other to supply that sense of well-being. which they dont feel on their own.
Then it’s a lot of problem and also along with the projection which comes with romance where we project all our ideals and desires and romantic fantasies on to the other which the other cannot possibly fulfill once you get to know them and recognize that it’s not Prince Charming of Cinderella, it’s just a very ordinary person, also struggleing.
And unless one is able to see them to like them as well as well as feel desire for them and to also have loving kindness and compassion then it’s going to be, it’s going to be a very difficult relationship.”
Look at this video. Is this a relationsship of love?
Our culture is obsessed with happiness, but what if there’s a more fulfilling path? Happiness comes and goes, says writer Emily Esfahani Smith, but having meaning in life — serving something beyond yourself and developing the best within you — gives you something to hold onto. Learn more about the difference between being happy and having meaning as Smith offers four pillars of a meaningful life.
(source: www.ted.com )
Click on transcript in Teds site to have the speech translated in your language.